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So here we are again – March – Spring, the start of New Life and all that ….!

I hate this month, I hate the start of Spring, unlike most people in this country. I know its all about warmer weather, lighter days but for me it symbolises one thing, ‘Sadness’.
Yet again I am consumed with emotion, the heart break  of yet another year with out Lola, it will be 9 years on 22nd that she was taken so suddenly and life as I new it would never be the same .
Her Sister’s continue to grow and blossom and yet I am forever wondering which one of them she might look like now. Her cousins’ and friends have all Started secondary school which I know nothing about.

All that time gone and I am left in limbo, Angry, Curious, Heart Broken basically every emotion I had back then, it doesn’t change, you just learn to wear it better, it becomes part of  ‘The New You’ – that person you have become now born out of grief  not the person you were before…. My God, who was that person? I wish I could meet her again, go back through time and tell her,
“Slow down, take time out  and  Appreciate Every Single moment with those you love because one day…..” .

So today I hate March, I hate Spring, I hate Cancer, I hate Brain Tumours, I Hate Death…….But Grief, well this is part of who I am now. It is always present and always necessary. We have become old friends that are reliant on each other for survival.